I’ve been wrestling with this topic and that is why I’ve found it hard to post this final lesson; sharing our spirituality in marriage. Like the previous posts on contentment and space – I haven’t got this all figured out. Indeed I’ve come further in my thinking on those topics since both those posts.
If you don’t like long posts… skip to the end, as I want you to answer a question for me…
The Bible passage that comes to mind when thinking about how to relate to my wife spiritually is Ephesians 5:22-33 where it talks about loving my wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her as well as loving my wife as I love myself.
That’s a big task – loving like Christ! Six months into marriage I can tell you what I’ve realised how big the gap is between how much I love myself and how much I love my wife. I know it sounds bad, but it’s the truth shown in my actions even if I don’t think it is the case. Marriage has been great in revealing of my selfishness!
I think the loving like Christ contains a duty of spiritual care for my wife, but does that mean daily family devotionals? It most likely means openly talking face to face with the goal of a kind of one flesh, unashamed unity that we read of in Genesis (Gen 2:24-25). An open conversation where we both direct each other to keep God as our number one, a chance for each of us to learn how we can pray for each other. But what if we worship God, spend devotional times and pray in completely different ways. Lingering in my mind is the idea that the couple who prays together, stays together (interesting article from Journal of Theology and Psychology)! If only Paul got married, then I’m sure he would have something to say about it. But he didn’t!
Bob Lepine speaks of the Father of the household as ‘by God’s design, the priest of the family’ (The Christian Husband, 2005:94-95). He finds the roots of this explanation in the examples of Abraham and Noah which leads him to conclude that the father should lead his family into God’s presence for worship, remind them of the Gospel and intercede in prayer for them.
Is this what it means to love like Christ loved the Church, to perform a priestly function in the family? These are all good things a husband should be doing, but a wife also for her husband. However, the husband should take a leadership role in this if he is to be the head of the family (his wife). So what he says has some merit, despite the initial misgivings I have over the priestly language.
He adds to this further that the husband should take a prophetic role in the way he brings the truth of God to bear on the family, to lead it doctrinally and bring the family and its members to repentance when they fall aside from the Word of God (ibid. 124-125). Another good point. Perhaps this all aligns with Ephesians 5:26-28, and the sacramental nature of this language (‘washing of water, with the word’; ‘presenting as holy’). Husbands are to love ‘in this same way’, so it seems that with or without the priestly language – some of these ideas come to the surface.
Andreas J. Köstenberger (God, Marriage and the Family, 2004) doesn’t come to the same conclusions as Lepine on Ephesians, but instead looks to Daniel Block’s work Marriage and Family in Ancient Israel. He agrees with Block’s grounding in the historical model of Jewish fatherhood which held responsibilities such as: modelling faith; leading the family in traditions, festivals, history and Scripture (cf. Deut 6:4-9); and maintaining family members well being and harmonious operation of ‘the family unit’. This is a model of spiritual leadership, but unfortunately contains no guidance about devotionals with wives… Maybe this is all just a Puritan hangover?
Why am I stuck on this point? I find it hard to read the Bible with my wife – partly a result of my study at theological college. I find it easier to pray, but it is still hard. I don’t find it so hard to encourage my wife to invest spiritually. Maybe I’m taking the easy way out in not helping her to invest spiritually. Almost six months in, but many years to grow together. What I’m looking for now is your wisdom on how you do it?
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So, how does a married Christian couple encourage each other spiritually and walk spiritually together in a way that promotes spiritual unity? How can a husband lead his wife?
Tell me what you find helpful…
1 comments:
Hi Randle
I haven't read Lepine but the priestly language sounds suspicious to me. (Jesus the high priest in the NT; Noah and Abraham both being pre-Levitical, etc.?
I was also interested in the comment about leading doctrinally. I guess it depends what he means by that. I would think that a man who is less theologically astute than his wife can still set the tone of modelling faith, etc in his family that Kostenberger talks about. After all, at times it's one thing to know it and another thing to live it!
A few people have recommended Kostenberger now. We'll have to get our hands on a copy!
We take a pretty lax view to the whole Puritan thing, partly because it seems to be such a source of guilt for so many (including us!) So it's kind of a matter of what works for you I reckon. I figure that a little bit regularly is better than a full on devotional experience that you can only maintain for a week. Which doesn't answer your question much, but I'm keen to hear others' advice too!
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